I was told I should write something about my recent experience into the foray of online dating. I have done it before. Some with good success, some with horrible. When I was first diagnosed I didn’t have any interest in dating. Who would want to attach their life to someone with what I was dealing with. It is an extra struggle to add into it. But in January I decided to give another try. I was starting to come to grips with what my future held.
So I started again on OkCupid. Figured, what the heck. Let’s see what happens. If nothing else I can meet some fun, interesting people. And sometimes that is a really good thing.
Well the usual onslaught of “interesting” people left messages that made their intent VERY clear. Hey, to each their own right? I don’t judge even if that wasn’t what I was hoping to get out of the experience.
I found this one guy that showed some potential. So we started messaging a lot. He is a fellow geek, foodie, not repulsed by the dirt a horse entails (ha funny pun!). We talked about lots of geek topics! Hey this is a good sign right? But over time, the questionability of him started to show. He didn’t do anything. Over the month and half I messaged with him, the most exciting thing he did was go to a market. He talked of all these things he wanted to do. But they were always tied to doing it with “that special person”. So life was on hold for him. When I recommended that he do something fun with his free time, that was when the hidden “him” came out. See the pictures below. *********
I was appalled. All I said was a kind suggestion to go out and have a good time. So I decided, I do not need this in my life. I am trying to enjoy every moment. I don’t need someone who is going to fly off the handle at such things. I really don’t.
He knew my health situation. Why would someone say “When you die, I hope you go to hell.” To someone that is going through what I am going through. It just showed a vindictive nature that I REALLY didn’t need in my life. I want someone who loves life. That likes to have fun. I want someone that brings as much exuberance as I have. Then he had the gall to ask for a truce. I told him there was no coming back from such a comment. I can see it being said during an argument in person, it is still terrible but I can see it as an in the heat of the moment. But this.. This just astounded me.
I hope he has some luck. It just won’t be with me.
So after all the previous crazies, I finally have some success to report. So after all the creepers and crazies, I have found one that is working out.
Horse guy is just a friend and I am okay with that. He isn’t ready for a relationship. And I am glad to have him as a friend in my life. He has quickly become one of my closest friends. He and I talk frequently. But it is just a close friendship. I am so incredibly happy with this.
Introduce PhD-in-process. Right from the word “hi” from him, it was a prefect meld. The conversation was natural. It just felt easy. So incredibly easy. I have never had that before. Within 24 hours of saying Hi online, I was offering up my phone number.
By the next day I hadn’t heard from him, so I decided “Heck I will say HI”. While trying to transfer his number from the online account to my phone, my phone decided to dial it. “NO NO NO!” I start screaming at my phone as I hang up. Try #2, and same result. Now I am horrified. I just dialed and hung up on him twice! Now I am horrified. Now, I am getting a phone call back from him. I decline the call. “Oh gosh he is going to think I am the biggest idiot!” I text back to him saying “Sorry, this is me and my phone is being evil.” Then he asks me if I have two different numbers. CRAP CRAP CRAP! I go back to the online site and realize I had given him the wrong number. I need a whole to crawl into.
Luckily he thought it was funny. Major brownie point for him however I still felt like a dufus. We continued to text throughout the day. My phone was constantly being used. And by the end of the day we decided to go on a date. And now on Saturday we are looking at our third date. It all feels so effortless. So easy. So .. natural. I am used to feeling like I need to work at these things. However, now I see how wonderful this is. I can see the path forward and it is a good one.
I am optimistic about this. We just seem to meld together effortlessly. We are starting to plan ahead. Looking at weekends to come. We aren’t testing the waters and waiting for the times. Rather we are planning ahead.
I feel comfortable. I feel happy. I feel secure. I am so incredibly happy right now!
So why again am I almost 37 and single? Why again am I sitting here watching Netflix by myself?
Oh yeah, I haven’t found someone yet. Grumble.
I want someone to call me beautiful. I haven’t heard that from someone who loved me in a few years at the point. I miss being someone’s beautiful. I miss feeling like a princess. I miss having someone to take care of and love (not in a mom kid fashion… just to clarify).
On the date with the “What does No Mean guy” he asked me how someone like me could be single still. Why hadn’t I been snatched up? It didn’t feel like a pickup line. That wasn’t his way. It seemed sincere. But what do I answer to that question? “because no one has wanted me?”That seems to be the basic truth. Sure I can say “because I haven’t found the one yet?” “Because God has the right one picked out but it isn’t time yet?”or is it “because there is something wrong with me?”
At this point I don’t know any more. I have only been doing the online dating thing for 2 months. And being a single parent makes getting out on dates tough. I don’t have that much free time.
I am just frustrated. I have only been out on a few dates but still I have been single for over 5 years. And yes I have grown a lot in that time. I have been through a lot. But romantically, what do I have to show for it?
My kid desperately wants me to be married. So add pressure there. Add the fact that I feel lonelier by the day any more.
I am tired of being alone. I was alone for much of my marriage. Isn’t 11 years alone enough? At some point it should be right?
So when it goes back to the question of “Why would someone like you be on the market still?” , I really have to question it.
By the way, dating sucks, just to clarify….
So after all my previous lack of success with the wonderful world of online dating, I decided to keep on trying. My intelligence continues as you can tell.
I started talking to this guy. He seemed decent, a little intense but the internet can make such things difficult to interpret. We took the next step to texting. We communicated more. Again intense. A planner. I am not a hard fast planner, but hey it can work out right? Found out he had dwarfism. Again, not an issue. I am tall for a gal but I don’t care about such things.
We went out on a date. He was a little more pushy then I prefer but nothing too offensive. But the more we communicated over the next few dates the less he wanted to listen to my POV. Instead it was becoming clear that he falls into the territory of “my way or the highway”. Oh and “No is a term to be worked past”.
So needless to say, that door is closed. Between the extreme structure and pushiness, plus the apparent lack of appreciating the word no, I stepped away. Actually ran would probably be a better term.
So for those keeping record, here is the tally:
- Still a great friend and becoming more so every day, but not progressing towards much else at this time as his heart is still tied to his ex and he is in recovery.
- Scam Artist 101 Course
- “Did you just say something? Was I supposed to listen?”
Woot for me.
Grumble Grumble Grumble.