Back to Being Me

I am at a crossroads. Things have changed again, but this time for the good.  Heck this time for the great!  I am feeling so good.  Since I go the anemia shot and started acupuncture I am back to me.  I feel like me.  I think back to the me of the past 3 months and cringe.  She was so unhappy, so hopeless.

Now with this beautiful weather the northeast is getting (heck it was 75F yesterday… in FEBRUARY!!) I am just itching to do stuff. I am itching to be in paddocks with horses.  I am itching to get muddy.  I want to move.  At nights I am no long going to bed at 6:30 like I had for months.  Heck I do not know what to do with myself after 6:30.

I just want to be on the move all the time. I am convinced that acupuncture is helping me.  I was starting to drag yesterday and then had acupuncture.  Now I am rip roaring ready to go.  It could be because I am visiting Dill this afternoon.

I haven’t seen my boy (yeah he is my boy… still possessive of that huge boy) since I said good bye in December. I can’t wait to see his eye rolls and sighs at seeing me.  I can’t wait to hug his neck (no matter how much he thinks that is a stupid thing to do) and smell his horsey smell.  I am bouncing out of my chair right now to get to go and see him.

If you would have asked me 4 weeks if I could go to see him, I would have told you it would take too much energy. I hope this lasts.  I hope I can keep feeling like me.  This is me, bouncing around with joy and horrible jokes.  I don’t want to go back to that hopeless version of me.  I want to stay this obnoxiously joyful person that I am.

I don’t think about death any more. I don’t think about where my path might lead.  I am in the present again.  Oh it feels so good.  Oh hope feels so great!

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