Yesterday I got to enjoy a therapy session and then time with my Mom, Kiddo, Sis-in-laws and two nephews. It was so great. We walked probably two miles. But more important we just spent time with each other. We enjoyed each other. We laughed and created memories. And we have the pictures to improve it. It makes the heart glad that after an extensive outpouring of my heart to my therapist (who is amazing btw).
I have complained a lot recently and I talked with my therapist about it. She asked me why I am not taking xanax on days where I know my spirits will be down. I had no good answer besides “I never thought of that”. My drs had been encouraging me to stretch out my treatments. But I was afraid it might cause the cancer to start growing again or to move. She looked at me and said “Do you trust your doctors?” I said a resounding “yes”. She looked at me and said “do what your doctors suggest. They know what they are talking about”. I looked at her and went “that makes sense”.
I hadn’t thought of those things to make my life easier. This is why she is great. Plus I sobbed for most of the treatment just getting things out. I feel like I lost 10 lbs just getting that out of me. She reminded me that what I feel is completely normal for my situation. I needed to know that all those feelings are normal. And she is a professional telling me that.
But getting all that out let me really enjoy and embrace Longwood Gardens and my family. I have some amazing picutres that I can put in kiddos journal for if I pass. I have given her one memory she can go back to. And that makes me happy.
And in two weeks we are all going to get together to do messy art day. Throwing paint. Making a mess. And I am sure laughing a lot. Just enjoying life together.