Fighting for my Poison

Today I write from my chemo chair.  I am sitting here in this crazy good mood.  It makes no logical sense for me.  But here I am sitting here full of joy as poisons are pumped into my heart.

This morning I showed up for treatment.  Handed my new insurance card, since the insurance company switched at work.  And the insurance company wanted everything pre certified.  I was told I would need to come back another day for treatment but could see the doctor today.  This upset me as I had asked at my last treatment if they wanted my new insurance card to prepare for this one and was told no.

When I was in the room with my doctor, I informed her of the insurance thing.  Well it took about an hour but I got approved for treatment.  I was sitting here thinking how funny this is.  Two treatments ago I would have taken the option of skipping this treatment and waiting till the next one.  Whereas now I am sitting here fighting for my poison.

Is it because I am now doing a different battle?  Now I am on more of a maintaining treatment regimen instead of the fighting regimen?  I don’t know.  But I didn’t want to miss my treatment.

I am sitting here in a glowing happy mood.  I am having my drugs pumped into me to maintain me.  I know this treatment is possibly going to be easier on me without my hardest hitting drug in the cocktail.  I have made preparations for making treatment easier at home.  I have set up suet bird feeders to watch.  I have purchased a horse head squirrel feeder for amusement.. I just need to set it up outside.

I am excited to see how this treatment is easier.  I am excited to see what my new normal will be with one less drug.

But I am also excited about all the beautiful things God has been doing in my life.  Sitting here in my own personal silence I am enjoying the love and goregousness of the snow we had last night.  I am sitting here enjoying one of the cancer survivors who came in and filled the treatment center with joy.

I am just happy to be here.  I am happy to be alive.  I am happy to have my beautiful child.  I am happy for the blessings that have been coming my way.  I am happy to have my Poison.





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s