Recently I’ve been thinking sadly of the things I’ve lost because of cancer.
Neuropathy. I can’t feel completely the bottom of my feet. This came from my first time battling the Ugly C.
The long view of life is now fuzzy. With the shortened life span the drs give me.
Every other weekend. Now I have to sleep through 4 days straight to just try and work full time.
Energy. I have less energy. I want to go to bed early every night.
Free time. I’m limited on what I have. I’m sleeping. I’m healing. Trying to keep life running. I just don’t have the time I used to have.
Books. I used to have a book always with me. Any free time and I was reading. Chemo the first time around just made it hard to stay concentrated on a book. In 3 1/2 years I have not read a book. I do listen to audio books nonstop. But I’m always multitasking.
Computer games. Same as books. But this is a new addition with this time through chemo.
Careless living. That goes out the door when drs say only a few years left.
Long term plans. How much can you plan ahead with that over your head?
Now Dill. The travel to him is eating up too much time. An hour and half round trip is getting harder with my lack of energy and resulting free time.
Its insult to injury at this point. I’ve been saying, and I still believe it, that God will do something amazing through this. I’m just afraid of what more will be asked of me. How much more will I need to give?
God, i will do it. Just let me know it turns out Good in the end.