So I just posted a post about how bad the last 9 days sucked. There really is no other way to phrase it. I thought it would be good to say the blessings I have had. And they have been there.
Where to start. Most of this revolves around friends and family. So many have stepped up in so many unexpected and amazing ways.
The Knight from the first time through the battle who is a friend now, he has been so amazing. On the day I found out how the world can go upside down in 5 minutes (part deux), he went will me to meet my Dill. Dill is my wonderful half lease horse. (another wonderful story to tell) Dill and I have been bonding well, and as only horse people can understand… horses are magical. No he isn’t a unicorn, but as his and my bond grows, he magically makes me happier just by seeing him and doing things with him (see the post on bobbing for apples!). Well Knight went with me to go and meet Dill. He let me cry, he let me get boogers on his shirt as I complained about how unfair this all is and he gave me awesome hugs (the Knight that is, not Dill… that would be silly). Then we went out for dinner with “Amazing Example of what a married couple should be” (here forward I shall call them Amazing Couple). We had amazing sushi. I had way more wine then I should have on a under fed stomach and we had an amazing time. It was what I needed. Knight also came over one night and made me so much amazing steak, spinach and mushrooms in cast iron pans so to help my iron levels and thus help the anemia. We sat and watched a movie. And when I wanted to cry, he let me. When I wanted to throw a temper tantrum he would. He also took me to my biopsy. I was so impressed that he would go through that with me after how bad the surgery was the time before. But he was there for comfort. He was there for strength when I needed it most.
Awesome Couple have been a dream with helping with Kiddo’s bday party. They have been a listening ear. They help keep me distracted from the scarieness of the world. Heck Mrs. Couple made the bday cake for kiddo because she knew I wouldn’t have the energy to do it. They helped with getting a projector for an outside movie for kiddo’s party. Anything I ask I am sure they would do in a heartbeat. As with all my other family and friends, I am afraid to tax them too much. I am afraid of wearing them down with the chaos in my life. But I know if I ask they would help. They have always been so wonderful to me. They have always been by my side no matter what is going on. And I am so glad to call them friends!
Horse Guy AKA Tig. He has been my blessing. He has been so wonderful to me. We have made the best of friends. We are terrible influences on each other. We make each other laugh with the stupidest things. But yet we are there for each other when the world falls. We seem to take turns at it, but we are rocks for each other. And the amount he has been one for me makes me overwhelmed. He will listen to my sobbing. He will send encouragement whether its through something sweet and kind or terribly inappropriate joke. And when he knew I needed desperately to see Dill but couldn’t make it out because I didn’t have the energy, he surprised me by bringing Dill to me. Now please note, Dill is a total pain to be caught in the pasture at times (I have been working on him and he is doing better for me, but not everyone else yet… still working on it.). Plus I live 35-45 minutes from the barn so that is a LONG drive with a horse trailer for a few hours of me hugging Dill (can’t ride yet due to the biopsy). Plus Tig gets up early on Saturday to work, so he was already exhausted before all of this. So I know what he put into it to get Dill to me. But for a week I have been a sulky pain in the rear, exhausted gal. But as soon as Tig showed up with Dill I started grinning ear to ear and I couldn’t stop. I just kept hugging Dill and kissing his face and neck. He delt with it… there might have been some eye rolls on Dill’s behalf though. And Tig knew what it would mean to me so he went through all that just for my smile. And it has carried over to today. Today has been one of the best days I have had in 10 days. And it is because of that amazing gift. I could go on and on about what else Tig has done, but… well… I like to make him blush but I don’t want the ego to get too big. 🙂
Family. My family is walking this nightmare with me. Whether it is my parents, grandparents, siblings (and in-laws), cousins, aunts and uncles. They are all watching helpless and seeing the nightmare unfold around them too. But they made the trek yesterday to come up, to help with kiddo’s party, to be here to support me. To send me notes of encouragement and love. To make me laugh with silly images. To give me a shoulder to cry and complain on. To say prayers for me. To remind me that I am not alone and they are here for me. It meant so much to have my siblings (and in-laws) and parents and nephews at kiddo’s party. I can’t remember the last time we were all together and laughing like we were. It is good to the heart to come together like that, even when the world seems like it is crumbling. Heck it is probably the most important time.
All of my other friends. There are too many to mention and I hope none of them are slighted by not being specifically called out. That is not my intent. Those that are praying for me. Those that send me texts of funny images. Those that check in to see how I am doing. Those that are just there for me. Those that call. Those that send love. There is a community that has come up around me. There is a community that has surprised me by the amount it cares. And for that I am blessed… so incredibly blessed.
God. I should mention him. I am still grumbly at Him. I am still mad and feeling like Job. I am still feeling unfairly treated and I am honest enough to admit that. However I do know He has this in His hand. I know something good will come out of this. And maybe the things above are it and maybe there is more to come. And maybe I will never know (Gosh I hope I get to know). He has this under control. I may not understand it, I may not like it, heck I might just hate it, but it is under His control. And it is just my job to take a step each day. Even if it is a grumbling step… 🙂
So there you go. My list for today on the good things coming from waiting to find out about cancer…..