Stories abound of people on the brink of pending doom/death and suddenly coming back from that point. Those people typically change how they live their lives. I have heard it called the “Come to Jesus” moment. These people seem to change overnight and live their lives to the fullest from there on.
Never in my craziest dreams or wishes, did I want to have one of those. But I did. That one week where I thought I might have Stage 4 colon cancer and where my life was going to be cut short due to it. That one week of fear and terror. That one week seeing life differently has changed me. At the time I couldn’t see it because as soon as I found out I wasn’t about to die, surgery and them chemo came into my world.
Now, looking back, 5 months after the end of chemo, I can see that moment for what it was. It was my Come to Jesus moment. Life is so much grander than we give it credit for. There are so many blessings we never see. There are so many miracles in every day.
I have been blessed with a sense of peace that my life never contained before. I was always anxious and scared. I was angry and frustrated with life. Now I am sitting back and enjoying each day. I am savoring everything I get to experience. I am not making excuses for things or living my life afraid of every turn. Instead I am pondering on how wonderful everything around me is. How did I spend so many years missing all the beauty around me? How did I spend so much time worrying about things I had no control over? How did I waste so much energy on anxiety?
But I can’t ponder on that too long. That is in the past. That isn’t the now. I can’t change the past and nor would I want to. The past is what has given me what I have now. To want to change the past is to say what is here isn’t good enough. And what is here is good enough. It is perfect. It is precisely how it should be.
I know I am not adequately explaining this overwhelming sense of peace that has filled my life. I wish I could containerized it to give to everyone. I wish I could show people how different the world is when you look through the glasses of pending death with life suddenly being restored. I wish I could help others to see the joys that abound. But for me to do that, you would have to suddenly experience what came before, and that is not possible.
Without the years of pain and anxiety, I could not appreciate where I am now. Without the years of heartbreak, you could not see the glories of love that I see now. Without going through the fear, it is hard to see how God has brought me to this wonderful place.
My beloved Bible verse that got me through much of the heartache and pain is:
Psalms 71:20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.
And God did fulfill his promises. God did lift me up. This peace comes from Him and Him alone. And to Him I give glory and thanks!