Last night was lesson night. Kiddo and I are now up to trotting almost the whole lesson, excluding warm up and cool down. The legs are not wobbly any more during posting or after I get off Tristan. My back muscles aren’t quivering from the core muscle workout. My balance in the stirrups is much more stable. It is amazing the strength that builds up by doing this. My calves are getting smaller, I am slowly losing weight. I feel stronger.
More importantly, I dream. I dream of having a plot of land big enough for a few horses. I dream of knowing enough about horses to be able to keep them and care for them appropriately. I dream of being able to ride more than once a week. I dream of grooming and being the head of the herd, not for the power, but so that the herd is balanced appropriately.
I dream of every night after work and some time with the family, to be able to go out and spend some time with loved horses. I dream of being in good enough shape to do all this. I dream of being able to financially afford all of this.
I can see it all in my mind and it makes me happy and peaceful.
I do not know if I will ever be able to afford this dream. I do not know if it will ever come to fruition but I am enjoying it all the same. Property in my area is expensive. Horses are expensive to keep. Being a single parent can sometimes makes such dream feel just like that, dreams on the wind.
But then I remember of where I was a year ago, about to be diagnosed with cancer. I remember a year ago how different I was and how different life was. I look back and see the miracles that the refiner’s fire brought me through.
It was terrible, it was tough. But now I am this person that I am proud to be. Now I am this person that can honestly say: “God did all these miracles, and brought me through better than ever. So somehow He will get me to where I am supposed to be.” I can not remember being at such peace over things like this before. I used to stress and get anxious. I used to think/worry/fret over it all. Now I can sit back in peace and go: “it is not mine to worry about.”
Granted I have my days of weakness. I have my days of worry and anxiety. But they are greatly reduced. They are easy to squash.
So I continue to dream of having a farm-let. I dream of having 3 horses that will be perfect for us. I dream of knowing enough about horses and their care to be their owners. And dreams can come true.