Oh my child, the world you have been brought up into is not fair. You are a bright and beautiful star. You have a strong personality and point of view. You know who you are and rejoice in it. Yet the world tries to take that away from you.
Yesterday you came home distraught that a girl at school called you fat and told you that you had bugs. And of course that hurt and upset you. It is a mean and terrible thing to be told. I wish I could prevent you from having to deal with such people.
I wish people didn’t have to define others in the worst possible terms. I wish that people would just ignore those that they do not wish to be friend with, rather than say mean and hurtful things. I wish I could protect you from this. But I have to let you learn how to deal with it healthily. I have try to encourage you to develop methods to deal.
So my response of asking you if those two descriptions matched was a way of teaching you. You said “No”. “Do you like who and what you are?” “Yes” “Does this girl know more about you then you do?” “No” “So who is right or more accurate?” “Me”
But of course you were still hurt, anyone would be. So we have to take things a step farther. “Do you know why someone says something mean about another unprovoked?” “No” “Because they are not sure about who they are, and if they can define others into bad terms, it makes them feel better about themselves.” “Huh?” “If you don’t feel good about yourself there are many ways it shows. One way is to be mean to others. If you try to prove that others aren’t as awesome/cool/fun as you, it makes you feel better about yourself.” “ohhhhhh” “So Kiddo, I do not want you doing such things to others okay?” “Okay” “I want you to see the good in others and make them feel good about themselves.” “Okay. I love you Mommy.”