Last lesson stunk. Tristan was annoyed with me. I was annoyed with me. I think my trainer was frustrated with me. It just wasn’t a good lesson.
I think Kiddo’s fall a few weeks back shook me up. The realization of the pending fall scares me. I haven’t had my first fall and I know it is coming. It is a fact that it will eventually happen the more you ride horses. You will fall. However, my fear of it is actually making the looming action more and more likely.
I jump at every little thing. When Kiddo’s horse (Calli) spooked, and consequently caused Tristan to spook with me on his back, I squealed in fear. Which of course that made Tristan spook even more.
My fear is making things worse.
But how many times is life like that? Fear amplifying that which we have no control over. Fear of things that haven’t yet occurred and might not. Far making things 100x worse then they need to be. Life is going to be falls and bruises. Life is a bunch of unpredictable events. Even when things in life seem to show patterns, nothing is guaranteed. And all the fear does, is show us what could be the worst case scenario. Fear causes failure before it even happens. Fear shows us what we most hope never happens and makes it a reality, when it might not be.
The funny thing, or maybe ironic thing, is back when I was on chemo treatments, Tristan tripped. At the time I thought “I am going over his head. This is it. I am going to fall.” But there wasn’t any fear, it was all matter-of-fact. I need to get back there.
So hopefully today’s lesson will happen, even with the extreme cold. And hopefully I will get back up on Tristan and will enjoy every single moment, with no fear!