New #1 thing not to say to a chemo patient. “I am have this wonderful xyz product that is cancer killing. Works better then chemo.” If there was something I could do that is MEDICALLY proven and is easier then chemo, I believe my dr. would have told me about it.
I am blessed.
I am blessed to have a wonderful child who is one of the kind. Her self confidence makes me wish I had been more like that at her age. Her love, joy and energy are a highlight to my life. She calls me her Weird Mom and rejoices with the wonderful and unique bond we hold.
I am blessed to have a wonderful boyfriend who means the world to me. I can not say enough good and accurate things about him. He has seen the good the bad the ugly and is there by my side. He saw me with tubes coming out of me all over the place and never cringed once, but kindly sat and held my hand. He is the sun in my sky, just brightening everything and taking away shadows merely by his presence.
I am blessed to have family that has supported me through this and many others of life’s ups and downs. Through all the rough patches, they have been there and helped in so many ways. Without them, I would be in terrible straits. And for their help, I am eternally grateful.
I am blessed to have friends that send me love and randomly call to send sparkles and glitter into my life. Only recently have I found those friends that match me for weirdness and other fun things. They make me laugh through my tears, allow me to share in their struggles, and are there when I need to grumble and gripe. Plus they gave me the joke about the fact that I have a semi-colon, who else but these awesome people would give me something that makes me laugh whenever I think of it.
I am blessed with kiddo’s step-mom and a lady I consider a friend for helping to pick up the slack when I need the help. It is great to know that she would be willing to sit through a treatment for me. Or that she would be willing to come and help me with my household stuff. This unique friendship is one that a definite blessing.
I am blessed to have a God that has somehow managed to make my finances work out through all of the doctor appointments, being away from work on disability. I am amazed daily by this. God laid the groundwork for these past few months, years ahead and even now I marvel at how it has worked out. I have been truly blessed by how “easy” this has been on me. And all of that is because of years of Him directing my path (where at the time I did not want to go) so that I could be in a perfect place for these past few months. How does one say “Thank You” for such ultimate planning?
I am blessed to have a job that is keeping me employed even though I have been out almost 6 months total this year. They are helping me in every way possible to keep me with them. I hear horror stories frequently, but my company has done all they can for me and I am very grateful for that.
I am blessed with a week where I felt like the “old me” again. I could do things around the house and enjoy little things. I could cook and clean and work on crafts. I could make special moments and enjoy them. Never have I felt grateful to be able to clean my kid’s room or vacuum the house. This past week it was like I was standing on a mountain peak rejoicing at such tasks completed.
Thank you all my blessings. May the light of God shine on you! May you have equal, wonderful blessings in your life!
Why the silence? I have been busy this week. Over the past 6 months I think this has been my best week by far. And with feeling so good I have been busy! So please let me show all the fun I have been enjoying!
Halloween is just around the corner. Last year I made a make-shift wolf costume for my little darling.
This year she wants to be a Weeping Angle from Dr. Who. So I found another person who did all the design legwork so I could copy their efforts (http://www.instructables.com/id/Doctor-Who-Weeping-Angel/?ALLSTEPS). I have spent quite a few hours working on the wings.
Kiddo and I spent some time playing with henna. I had purchased a kit a long time ago and had yet to use it Let me tell you, henna smells bad when it is setting before applying. But it finally oxidized so kiddo and I got our first homemade henna tattoos. Granted my couch has some perminant proof of the activity. But it was a wonderful bonding time!
While it is no where near what I am used to seeing from professionals, it was a wonderful bonding time! She loves that she can look at her hand and remember me at any time.
This week has been a refreshing breath of air. I have felt like me. It has been when I could feel like I was human again and able to do things normally.
Thank you God for this two week break from the torture of chemo!
I look in the mirror and do not recognize the person staring back at me. I wish I knew who the person was staring there. The eyes look tired, the complexion is an odd shade and blotchy, the hair has lost its curl and is thin. I do not like what I see. If I plaster enough makeup, I can hide some of the things, I can make my eyes look like I am able to function. I can try to make my complexion look “normal”. Makeup stores are being kept in business just by me.
And then there is my hair. My partial wig does look good on me, but my biological hair refuses to behave under it. My biological hair does this weird wave that refuses to straighten or curl to my typical level. As it stands right now, I can’t seem to win with it. So tomorrow I go to get it straightened so that maybe I can wear the wig without feeling self-conscious that everyone can see the line between the alive hair and the bought hair.
And then there is the scars. The chemo port scar annoys me the worst, it is almost always visible. It is an ugly red line on my chest that clashes against my pale complexion. There is no hiding it via makeup.
While I am looking forward to the port being gone in 6 months, I will always be with this reminder, this ugly red reminder. My hair will come back in a while, my complexion will hopefully return to its previous state. But that scar, it will always be there. It laughs at me saying “You are stuck with me” “You can’t forget me” “You have perminant reminders of this past year”.
Personally I would like to forget this year when it is done. But life leaves all of us with scars. Mine just chatter to me.
This treatment cycle has been quite different then previous ones. I am actually doing housework today, which is unusual for my recovery time. I do not know what has made this round easier, but I am enjoying it. Heck I spent time today straightening up the pits of despair that is my child’s room.
It puzzles me as to why one treatment can be so very different then another. I am eating a little better, I am resting more due to my sleeping meds. But such a change is puzzling. My attitude is high and happy. I think a lot of it has to do with the wonderful weekend with the Knight.
No matter the reason, I will sit here and enjoy being in a good mood on a treatment week.
Here is my dog, Digit. She is named because she has one white digit on each of her back feet. She has been an unexpected joy through this. She is constantly laying at my feet or trying to be a lapdog. We seem to have created our own language and conversations between us actually are fruitful.
I think she will suffer most when I do get to return to work at the end of the year.