For many months of my “illness” I only told those closest to me. Heck, I hid it from some that were close to me. There is a time when you are tired of telling the story. There is a time when you want to forget it all, to forget the nightmare you are suddenly hit with.
But now I have a lesson learned. By posting these blogs on my facebook page, and letting others see behind the curtain, I have been rewarded with people standing beside me. It was shocking to me at first, how well I hid what was going on. I didn’t realize that I had blocked out so many. So in essence I was preventing the help that I really needed.
*Warning: Back flash here*
I remember the first time I participated in a foot washing ceremony in a Mennonite church. It was in college and all the women were in one room. To wash someone’s feet as a sign of service was very easy for me. To have someone else wash my feet in service to me was incredibly awkward. The service is a reminder that #1 we should help others, but also, #2 to let others help us.
For many, one of the two is easier. For me at least, helping others is easy, it comes without much thought. But to allow someone else to serve me in my time of need is like asking me to rip out my own teeth. Allowing someone else to see me in my damaged state, to feel obliged after help is given, to lose the facade that everything is okay, it is a tough thing to do.
Is it pride? Probably. But in essence it is also selfishness. Others are rewarded by being able to help those they love and care about. So to deny those we love that opportunity due to our pride is a very selfish act. So to those that I have done this to, I apologize. Please know it was not intentionally done.
To those that have offered help, I appreciate the thought as much as the act. To see so many want to be of aid warms my heart. Thank you very much! Just the love and prayers, the hugs when we meet, the kind words of encouragement. They mean the world!