Some Days Just Are Not The Best

So not every day can be good.  Unfortunately when chemo drugs are running through your body, the odds are really working against feeling good. 

This week has been rough.  A part of me wonders if part of the reason is that my treatment started on Tuesday instead of Monday (due to the holiday).  So right now, on a Friday, I should be on the up swing to feeling better.  But as this is only the 4th day, and not the 5th, I still feel like crap. I am exhausted, cranky and just overall not in an upbeat mood. 

This round of treatments, I was allowed to stay on the reduced Oxaliplatnium, which is nice because the cold sensitivity is still greatly reduced.  However the 5-FU, my second medication was pushed back up to 100% this time around.  Now I know where the exhaustion comes from.  I am plain and simple exhausted.  The fight is at its lowest today. 

I suspect tomorrow, things will be looking back up, but at the current moment it is tough to see.  At the current moment, I just want to curl into my bed and forget the world till I feel better.  But with my little angel at home, that is not possible.  I have to fulfill the duties of being “Mom”. 

She is such a bright point in my life, but yet today I just want to drift and let the meds leave my body so I can be back to normal.  I am grateful for how patient she is being with this whole thing.  It is difficult for an 8 year old to understand chemotherapy.  It is even harder to understand how feeling so bad can result in a good thing.  Hey, even I struggle with it!  But she has been a very understanding angel.  She accepts that I am doing the most and best I can, even when it is below where I would like to be. 

So that is the end of me grumbling for the day.  Well at least in the public method.  I just ask for prayers and good wishes.  And remember those on treatment before they start feeling good.  We all try to hide it and not let others see it.  Sometimes we just need an excuse to express that we don’t feel good and that this isn’t a walk in a park.  It is a battle, one that has a long fight, and one that at least I get tired of it. 

So today, remember those that you know going through the same battle.  Offer a prayer, a hug, a kind word, or just a shoulder.  Anything is appreciated. 


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