The day before chemo treatment has to be the worst day in my two week cycle. Chemo day, there is something going on. And each of the following days. But on the day before chemo, I can’t stop myself from looking ahead to at least 5 days of feeling horrible. 5 days of listlessness, 5 days of hating the idea of eating and drinking, 5 days of serious cold-sensitivity, etc.
I try to keep myself busy during the day before. I try to find things to distract me from what is pending, but no matter what I do, it is still sitting there like a black hole over my head waiting to suck me into the next dose of torture.
Typically, my form of medical methods are more homeopathic. When I have a cold, I take peppermint tea, when my stomach is upset, I use ginger. Inducing myself with toxins to kill of any potential cancerous cells, is extremely against my nature. Such a medical concept is its own form of torture for me.
For me at least, the day before is similar to a scene in Harry Potter has to give Dumbledore the “Drink of Despair”. However I feel like both Harry and Dumbledore. I have to force myself each Monday to go and have my 49 hours of treatment. I have to encourage myself to go. And yet, I am the one that has to suffer from the poison. No one can take my place. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nVQPwH2m4s
But this is when I try the most to find hope. Some days, it is a hard fight. Some days it takes constantly fighting for 1 second of thankfulness. Those are they days when my support team is most important. They are the crutches that help me take one step, then the next step, and then the next. Without them, I do not know where I would be.
My team is a great one. A group of people that I love dearly. My darling boyfriend who is my constant source of strength and love, even on days when all I can do is cry (especially those days). My family who are constantly there helping me with the day to days, and specifically on the days when making my own meals is just beyond me. And friends who are willing to do whatever they can to make my path easier. And I love all of them for all they do. They are why I can continue to take my medicine. Thank you my wonderful support team! Thank you very, very much!!